Happiness is like a Butterfly

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau

Just like a beautiful butterfly, I have been chasing for way too many years.  Chasing after milestones, searching for those special moments, shooting for the moon and when I missed I also missed landing among the stars.  And  as I’m less than three months 30; I’m beginning to realize that I’m not as happy as I think I truly am or want to be.  All the “things” I thought would make me happy in life, hasn’t made me any happier of a person.  In reality, I think my pursuit of happiness, has actually been the opposite.

As all things I thought would bring me happiness like a beautiful butterfly, really cannot be found when searching; but can be found by learning what I can do to become my own beautiful butterfly.

As researchers have found that life circumstances are only a small part of happiness, because people are quickly to adapt to positive changes in life and have forgotten what they’ve always wanted…they feel the same as they did before and they start searching for something new; which then becomes an endless cycle repeating itself over and over again never leading to true happiness.

I see what researchers have found about happiness in my life and it is time to STOP this cycle and understand that happiness will never be found, it cannot be chased it cannot be a forced emotion, but instead it is something that comes within ME.

And I believe that soon I will find my happiness.

Pinterest Perception

Late last year (2011), I discovered Pinterest.  I set up an account and never touched it again, until my friends started talking about it.  Talking about all of the amazing ideas, quotes, fabulous fashion, inspiration and motivation!!  If you don’t know what this site is all about, well let me share with you that is one incredible site!!  It allows people to pull, organize and share all the beautiful things they find on never-ending world-wide web and “pin” these things to boards they create.  AMAZING!!

But what is more amazing is when I discovered my Pinterest Perception.  What is this you ask??  Well, it is looking at something you’ve been working at for nearly your entire life and discover your perception all of a sudden change!  

Allow me to explain.  At the age of 12 is when I believe I began struggling with issues of my self-image.  It was in the sixth grade when a sixth grade hottie laughed and pointed at my legs telling me how fat they were.  It was in the sixth grade when I was probably the tallest kids in my class and was on the edge of hitting a triple digit weight of 100 pounds, while my peers were all 85-90 pounds.  At this age, as I’m not even a teenager, I had already developed a poor body image.  But what I most recently discovered is that was all my mis-perception.

Like birds of a feather flock together, most of my friends are active, physically fit and generally have many “likes” in common.  Pinterest is no exception.  You see, this is where I discovered my Pinterest Perception, which is the change is the way I see myself.  For nearly 17 years, I’ve measured and obsessed the weight on the scale.  I had allowed this number on the scale to define me as either normal or a failure.

Like or unlike most americans I’ve decided this year is my year to embrace life and own it for all it is worth; and therefore have decided NOT to make any New Years Resolutions.  This year I’ve decided to change my perspective on life and who I am:

Just like many of people in the world, I’ve struggled with body confidence for the past decade of my life.   In my early 20’s I began to binge as a form of self punishment and control.  I  set “Perfect” goals and/or standards for myself; goals that would require me to go bonkers crazy to accomplish.  For example a goal might be to Lose 10 Pounds in a month; if the magazines say you can do it anyone can do it, right?  I’ve tried all different types of diets, diets that would occupy my mind 24/7 and the second I would slip, was the second I became a failure.  Failure was the word that blew my confidence.  When my body weight would fluctuate I kept setting goals and rewards, but the smallest set back became the biggest set back.  For the past 10 years I’ve punished myself, not enjoying all life has to offer.  

Two months ago I hit rock bottom, I felt so frustrated with the results of my current plan.  I threw my arms up to give up and surrender to failure once again as I moved into my 30th year of life.  With the support of my husband, I started working out with a personal trainer.  For the first three weeks I cut the alcohol and sugar and saw truly amazing results: more energy, self confidence and loss of weight.  

Leading into November I adjusted my plan and added alcohol and fruit/sugar into my diet and continuing the life change of eating well.  In December I outlined goals for myself taht I felt were attainable: self confidence, high energy, more sleep and reduce weigh ins by maintaining 145-143 weight goal.  Through these goals I continued to push hard, continuing to log my cardio minutes, calories burned and consumed.  As this is great, it is also extremely overwhelming form me.  I felt like I was trapped, a slave to counting calories and weighing myself to drop 2-3 pounds, just a “small” goal during the holiday season.  But, why on earth wold anyone torture themselves like this through the holidays, when there is already a massive amount of stress during the holiday season!  With this I have a new perspective for 2012:

    1. I am BEAUTIFUL!!  I eat well and exercise to maintain a beautiful body.  A body defined by how well it will do as I continue to challange it in and out of the gym.  NOT a body defined by a number on the scale.  The media airburses models and defines what is beautifu, but the media is no longer defining or distorting what beautiful is.  Everyone is unique and I am unique tooo.  I love taht I can offer something different and can be positive in a world that needs more love and psitiviity.
    2. Goals/Rewards My goasl for 2012 are:  A) Continue Training B) Start Swimming C) Enter 6 races. Rewards are completing the goals.  I do not need new clothes or a trip to reward me.  I need clothes to preform better and trips to give my body rest and relaxation.
    3. Me Time & Family Time I always over commit myself and this is the year when I will commit to spending more time with my husband and time relaxing and meditating.

I’m so excited to celebrate 2012!  To celebrate life, love adventures, freedom and self acceptance.  This is my year to won and embrace self confidence, self acceptance, joy excitement for life, to believe in myself, stay true to who I am and see/experience the love, joy, excitement, fun and happiness in life, not on a scale.

Happy 2012

My last post was August 14, 2011; nearly 4.5 months ago.  Although, I haven’t posted in 18 weeks I’ve thought about Round 29: The Remix almost every week.  I’ve taken a break to focus on me and really take some time out for me.  We all need time away, because the time away just makes us stronger to continue on and to do better as we move through in life.  I’m excited to say goodbye to 2011 tonight and hello to 2012 and the amazing year it will be!!  I look forward to publishing many more posts and share some exciting adventures and successes this next year as I raise a glass to a fun-filled fabulous 2012!!